


before you start your day (you're in my mind)

by harrowinghowell



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anorexia, Child Abuse, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Phil Needs a Hug, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, also it will probably be short, and itll b brief so, dan is depressed but coping, dodie and pj are angels ok, dont read if u think ANYTHING will trigger u bc like, hes not good, i want u all to stay safe, my baby, nah, ok enjoy now, phil is just, pls pls pls, probably more referenced yt people that im too lazy to tag, this is a mess, trigger warning for sure, youll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-24 11:44:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13810497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harrowinghowell/pseuds/harrowinghowell
Summary: as the bell rang, signalling the start of the school day, dan couldn't tear his eyes away from phil. on a normal day, he could've avoided looking at him, could've told himself that he was just too bright and it would hurt him to pay such close attention to him.but today, he was dark. it felt like the sun had finally exploded.or, phil lester has a tendency to shine like the sun, until the day he stops.





	before you start your day (you're in my mind)

phil lester was like a sunrise.

dan noticed this; on most mornings, the sun would rest with phil. the soft pink and orange hues would blend beautifully with him. the way he was pale, but not gray, his eyes bright, but not overwhelmingly so, gave the sun a run for its money. the yellows that were always cast into mr. caniff's classroom would contrast with phil's dyed black hair, and the subtle tinge of peach would accentuate the bright blue of his eyes. it was stunning.

as the days dragged by, the sun would shift with him, too. as the light rays changed direction and turned the red hues into blue, phil changed, too. he would rise with the sun, becoming more awake and carefree as the days went by.

and dan could only imagine phil's nights. he wondered if he set with the sun, too. he could see him relaxing as the moon arrived, calm and content and sleepy and ready to end the day. beautiful and tired, and ready to come back the next.

but today, it seemed, phil and the sun were polar opposites.

today, phil was gray. instead of the sun being part of him, it just cast light on him like everybody else. in that same light, though, dan saw a difference in phil.

it seemed as if phil had somehow become skeletal over the weekend. his usually white but not too white skin was muted. he looked ashen and lifeless, and his weight didn't help. he was in a baggy jumper, obviously trying to hide it from prying eyes, but dan noticed. he noticed that his cheeks looked more hollow, that his collarbones were trying to break free from his body, that his wrists seemed like they were half an inch thin.

he looked horrible, but in the most gorgeous way. dan was terrified.

as much as dan wanted to say something, anything, to ask if phil was okay and to let him know that, even though they had never talked much before, he could confide in dan. he wanted to help so, so badly. but dan had never had much experience in helping people before.

that's the sun's job, dan thought, his chest tight. who lights the world up when the sun goes down?

if dan were like the moon, he could help. the moon arrived when the sun was gone. the moon was there to cast light, and no, the moon could never outshine the sun, but it could glow just enough to keep everyone going. when the sun went away, the moon substituted poorly, though it did the job.

however, dan did not feel like he paled in comparison to the moon. he couldn't do an eighth of the job phil did. phil helped everyone, every second of every day. phil, the one who stood up for the kids that couldn't do it for themselves. phil, the one that made sure every teacher felt appreciated. phil, the one who always helped out new students.

phil, the one that helped dan, when he had just moved to manchester and he was scared and confused and had not one idea of where to go or what to do. phil, his tour guide, introducing him and showing him every room and making sure he remembered where his classes were before he sent him off on his own.

dan was not the moon. dan wasn't even a part of space. he was somewhere on the ground, a crushed autumn leaf or a tiny pile of winter snow. dan was unimportant, and dan could easily disappear without notice. but phil was just the opposite; he, without many people knowing, was the foundation of something greater than him. phil kept so many people together, kept them happy and sane. phil was the cornerstone for peoples' lives, and that was why dan needed someone to ask him if he was okay.

if phil withered away, so would everything else, and dan didn't know how to fix that.

as the bell rang, signalling the start of the school day, dan couldn't tear his eyes away from phil. on a normal day, he could've avoided looking at him, could've told himself that he was just too bright and it would hurt him to pay such close attention to him.

but today, he was dark. it felt like the sun had finally exploded.


End file.
